yogen | npc contact.2

[ ... ]

Yes.

[ It's not a ready answer like their previous, but it's one just as full of conviction. ]

I love my dad, after all. Despite everything he is, and isn't. Despite what I am to him... [ Doesn't matter if they don't have the fondest memories of that man. They're the only memories npckun has, and so he'll cherish them all the same. ]

I miss him.

...

( he already knows who that man is, the mysterious counselor that stays within the room, who a black cat visits from time to time — it's almost like he threw away his children for a feline. especially if he pays that much attention compared to them, and here npckun talks about him... not in the brightest light, not in the most positive way...

...

he pauses, his hand presses at npckun's back, smoothing down to reassure them. )

...What isn't he?

( he blinks, thoughtful... he thinks of it as a checklist almost, like he's trying to see what qualifications he has, and doesn't have. )

I can be everything that he isn't, if you trust me.

( a bold claim, but when he thinks about the warriors of hope, their own situations with their family that led them to attempt suicide, for despair to be what held them back to give them another chance. those kids that he lived with for a few years as he watched them rise and fall one by one, just children who weren't loved properly, and turned away every adult that came by.

they say a parent's love is special, and he wouldn't know that... his own despised him, they died in his younger years, and he doesn't believe he felt a thing.

...
...

he doesn't miss them. )

What do you say, Arata-kun?

[ ... ]

He isn't...

[ A lot of things. A father, in everything but name. Wasn't the one who held their hand when they learned how to walk, wasn't the one who taught them how to count or to read or to draw. Wasn't the one who held them at night until they fell asleep. Wasn't there when [redacted] happened, and maybe if he were, it wouldn't have.

...

They look back down, burying their face against the fabric of Komaeda's shirt. ]

I trust you. But it's already too late to be the things he needed to be. Somebody else had to fill those shoes for him... I had Aniki, so I'm okay.

If you trust me... ( ... ) why not give me the chance?

( it's true, it's too late to be what he needed at the time, and while those are shoes he can't properly fill, because he can't go back that far in time to play caretaker. that doesn't mean today is any different, or can't be a start he believes... he should take it as a no, ignore it and carry on, but he closes his eyes as npckun hides their face away. as for his own eyes, he's too busy staring at the wall before him that has no script for him to read, leaving him to his own opinions, thoughts and actions. )

The past is the past, but that's why hope is so dear to me... moving forward opens endless possibilities, and paths for you to walk along.

( oh how the other's father failed on this one, but komaeda finds himself conflicted for a brief moment. for his own lack of childhood, he goes by giving what he thinks a child needs — avoid giving them what he was given which was nothing. a life of pain and suffering is what he knows, but if he can do the opposite of what he seen, despite his own troubles, then this could be fine? right. )

I'm not Aniki... ( aniki may kill him, actually. but that's a different playing field, ) But I can try to make you happy and hopeful, I'll give you... what I never had.

[ Because... they don't know what a father is supposed to be, once they've grown up. They can learn things on their own, figure things out by themselves, has many other people to look up to— like how they lift their head and look up at Komaeda, hesitant, unsure, but warm inside. ]

...Will you tell me you love me?

( confident, sure, and it comes to him easily... taking the position of watching children, oversee them and their happiness, and give them a life that was better than his own. )

...I won't just tell you, ( he hugs a little tighter, and he lays his cheek against the top of their head as he closes his eyes, falling into rhythm with their breathing. ) I'll show you, too...

( to the best of his ability, he's... a mess, there's probably others that are better suited, but he can try until the other wants him to stop trying. )

[ A small smile appears on their face, spreading wide, warm, happy. Even if it isn't exactly word for word what they asked for, words are just words in the end, but being shown it, them believing in it...

They really do love him. Want to be near him as much as they can, want to make him as happy as he makes them, would do anything he asks if it's in their power to do so. ]

Me too.

[ ... ]

Aniki.

[ Rokuro is dead, he doesn't need this title anymore ]

( he'd stay in place if it wasn't for what he feels to be... this aura of what? hopefulness, just a feeling that makes his own chest tight as he stands properly to look down at them, catch the warm smile on their face. does something like that make them happy?

he watches them for a moment, waiting, and the title that slips from their mouth makes him chuckle a bit. he's never been called it to his face, but he doesn't even know that monaca does it as well. he pauses.

thoughtful.

he can't be someone like that, and considering who that person is... who komaeda is aware is looking for their sibling every day. )

Call me otousan... ah, papa works too! Dad works too... Origin is also a proper synonym...

( he'll smile himself, not one he's capable of often, but a smile that'll stay here between them, and no one else. lost in time in the room that they reside in, and directed at npckun only. )

Because you're going to be with Aniki again one day... and I'll be there to see it.

[ The suggestions make them laugh, because it would be weird to call Komaeda papa, like there is some obligation attached to parent and child that doesn't exist with brothers. ]

...I know. Thank you.

[ Their brother is dead. And when they die, properly die, they hope they can be with him again too. ]

That won't be for a while, but I know it'll happen. I think you'd like him! He probably wouldn't like you at first, but you'll grow on him, so it'll work out.

( otousan is cuter, and he would respond to it, but it is silly... asking for certain titles, but they just come as time goes. whatever place he finds himself in, he'll have to accept it, but it doesn't matter considering he'll be something like family — that luxury can be taken away so easily, and he knows, but that's why it makes him want to give the other what he didn't have. his first attempt was his time in despair, and this time, he's not as bad... but would this be a proper chance? no, the first time was just as proper... as long as the kids had someone.

hm... )

When you're ready... it'll be that day. As long as you have hope... he's within your reach.

( up a flight of stairs, turn a corner, and it takes three knocks on a certain door. )

...I wonder. ( he claps his hands together gently as he thinks about it, and then he laughs. ) He wouldn't have time to think about me... he'd be too concerned over you, isn't that how family works? ...Hm, he'd want to hug you all the time, probably wouldn't let you go... that's how I see it!

[ They can only hope so, to realize that silly daydream they've played over and over again, of opening the door on that day to find him standing there and pulling them into a hug so that they're both wet with snow. And they would hug him back, and they won't ever let him go. ]

Hehe... I hope so. But he'll get to see how much I've grown up! I can show him how smart I am, and everything I've learned how to do, and he wouldn't have to take care of me, because I can take care of myself now! He wouldn't have to work so hard, or do so much... he can be happy again, and that'll make me happy, and the three of us can play together.

( that sort of life... is that of the mundane, a normal, boring, and scripted life — but that's the life npckun must want more than the world. it's nothing komaeda could handle, not when his life is filled with too much always happening — something terrible here, something miraculous there — he doesn't quite fit in, but he finds himself smiling as the other explains their ideal. he doesn't think their brother would give up at all, no matter how big their sibling have grown.

he thinks that rokuro would make up for lost time, that he'd do whatever has to be done so that npckun doesn't think they were unloved that entire time he was gone. )

...

( hm... what would he do, he thinks. )

As long as he's with you, people are... happy, right? As long as you have one another, that hope... bleeds through, and it runs until every last drop is used up, and even after... you still have what's important.

( greedy, taking more than they should, but that's what makes them... them. ) What would you like to do first the moment we find him together? ( "together," so it's like komaeda didn't lie to them all this time. ) And we'll do just that.

[ As long as they get their brother back... yeah, they think so. They'll be happy, at least, like what very little they remember of the time when he was still in their life. The flipside, though... ... They can only hope. ]

What should we do...? Hm...

[ ... ]

Group hug!

...Hm.

( a group hug is simple enough, at this point he doesn't even know why he asked. he looks down at npckun, and he makes a mental note to remember that should be the first thing they do when they're all together.

... )

I remember now, guess what...

[ A group 48 minute hug...... ]

What?

( that is not realistic!? )

I love you.

[ OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH THEY'RE WINNING TODAY ]

I love you too! Say it again! And again!!

( HE HAS A COOLDOWN NOW!! he's thinking about it, contemplating his next move and...

...

...

... )

...Only if you say it first!

( call him it, call him it!!! )

[ they already said it! ]

I love you! Now it's your turn!

[ what else does he want to hear!!! ]

( he wants to be dad, let him!! )

Mmm...

( hugs them tightly so they can't escape. )

I love... your hope, and you too. Your turn.

[ oh—- it's their hugging tactic used against them, and they find that they don't mind it ]

I love your hope too? And also you.

Nope... I don't believe it.

( sniffle... )

Tell me I'm your favorite parent... and that you love me no matter what.

[ ...

gives Komaeda an Extra tight hug to make up for the silence ]

I love you no matter what.

( ...

...

...

...

... )

You hate me... I'm not good enough... it's because I'm trash...

Noooooooooooo...

[ ): ]

I love you no matter what, but I love dad and mama too. How can I choose a favorite? They're different sorts of love.

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