yogen | npc contact.2

...

( if that's so. )

If you have it, why are you afraid of telling me what it is... to have hope is to go against anything that stands in your way, every hurdle! ...To act like this really shows how fragile your foundation is.

( which means he's waiting. )

[ stoppppp let them have their secrets ]

What about your hope, huh? Is it going to crumble just because you don't know everything? Have some patience.

I don't have hope, scum like me is only used to establish other's hope, and see it through until the end.

( the way komaeda says he has no hope, and then says he does, idk what's going on his mind, but iirc he said trash like him doesn't have it... bc his talent also sucks, so he's basically a peon like every other untalented individual. )

If your hope is enough to anger me, don't you think I should know before that time comes? Unless... you want to see how I react at that moment, how cruel... ( he sighs. )

Oh?

[ They never really thought about it, but... yeah. They've never seen Komaeda properly mad— there's glimpses of other things here and there, but then he goes back to that same smile Amami wears.

... ]

Yeah. I want to see you mad. What are you like?

...?

( why is this about him being angry, they haven't done anything to upset him, now they're just hiding stuff to get under his skin. )

Aren't you interested in being the loved younger family member? Why would you want to be scolded...

( here's a good smile as he danganronpa stands in confusion. )

[ Stop with the dangan standing, it makes it hard for npckun to think about why and which they'd rather have, and—-

... ]

Do you love me? Then say it! I want to hear you say it!

...

( going to stare because i don't think komaeda has ever said he's loved anyone once here. )

...?

[ grips Komaeda's shoulders ]

Say it.

I love the hope sleeping inside of you, P-kun!

( looks down at them as if he's passed!! did he pass? )

[ squeezes Komaeda's shoulders ]

You've got some extra words in the middle, there!

( yeah, he's going to bruise. )

But I mean those extra words? Isn't that great! I love your hope a lot! Show me more, show me more!

[ physical reminder of npckun's hope... ]

No! Repeat after me: I love you! I! Love! You!

( stoppp rokkun's going to ask where they came from or sumnnnnn. )

...Am I allowed to love you?

( it comes out slow, curious... like he's trying to understand if they're playing or something. )

[ Do they look like they're playing? they look this close to snapping Komaeda's arms if only they had the grip strength to do so. ]

Yes. You have my permission. Now say it.

...How do I know if I love someone else? Is that something you can say to anyone?

( eyes glance down at npckun, staring into their own light brown eyes searching for an answer, wondering if he can see himself reflected in them. he's heard that you can love others, but first you should love yourself, but...

...

...

he doesn't even love himself.

though, he's loved once, but it was only that one time... that feeling is unmovable, so is there a way to love others? )

No.

[ They look up at Komaeda, catching his gaze and holding it there. ]

Love is... it's when you always want to be near someone, when just being around them feels enough. When they look at you, you feel warm, and when they hug you, you feel even warmer...

[ hugs Komaeda, demonstratively ]

It's when you notice little things about them, and it's those little things make you happy. You look up to them, do your best for them, and wish the world for them. When you treasure every moment you have together... that's love.

[ ...

so say it ]

( all he's ever loved is... hope, and maybe someone else, but to apply that to others — it feels so foreign, a concept he doesn't believe he should indulge in. if he loves something, then he knows in the end that an unfortunate event will turn and take them away. he's seen it many times, and he could use his dog for example, that was the only creature that loved him, and he felt loved back.

to love other people... to want to be near them... he does, he likes attention, wants to be covered in it if he just wasn't so unhealthy for them. well, in the end... love comes down to the ultimates because... he looks up to them, he wants to o his best... he'd wish the world for them so... )

...What if—-

( he lets npckun hug him, and he doesn't draw away from them at all, instead he stands there thinking about what warm feeling he's supposed to have. he wraps his arms around them, but from behind his fingers press against the back of his hand to see... if he's any warmer. he's still cool, the same as always, so he hugs a little tighter waiting for the effect to start. he hums, leaning just a bit to rest his chin on the top of npckun's head as he listens. )

...being around them is bad? ...What do you do when that love will be short-lived? Is it worth it?

[ ... ]

Yes.

[ It's not a ready answer like their previous, but it's one just as full of conviction. ]

I love my dad, after all. Despite everything he is, and isn't. Despite what I am to him... [ Doesn't matter if they don't have the fondest memories of that man. They're the only memories npckun has, and so he'll cherish them all the same. ]

I miss him.

...

( he already knows who that man is, the mysterious counselor that stays within the room, who a black cat visits from time to time — it's almost like he threw away his children for a feline. especially if he pays that much attention compared to them, and here npckun talks about him... not in the brightest light, not in the most positive way...

...

he pauses, his hand presses at npckun's back, smoothing down to reassure them. )

...What isn't he?

( he blinks, thoughtful... he thinks of it as a checklist almost, like he's trying to see what qualifications he has, and doesn't have. )

I can be everything that he isn't, if you trust me.

( a bold claim, but when he thinks about the warriors of hope, their own situations with their family that led them to attempt suicide, for despair to be what held them back to give them another chance. those kids that he lived with for a few years as he watched them rise and fall one by one, just children who weren't loved properly, and turned away every adult that came by.

they say a parent's love is special, and he wouldn't know that... his own despised him, they died in his younger years, and he doesn't believe he felt a thing.

...
...

he doesn't miss them. )

What do you say, Arata-kun?

[ ... ]

He isn't...

[ A lot of things. A father, in everything but name. Wasn't the one who held their hand when they learned how to walk, wasn't the one who taught them how to count or to read or to draw. Wasn't the one who held them at night until they fell asleep. Wasn't there when [redacted] happened, and maybe if he were, it wouldn't have.

...

They look back down, burying their face against the fabric of Komaeda's shirt. ]

I trust you. But it's already too late to be the things he needed to be. Somebody else had to fill those shoes for him... I had Aniki, so I'm okay.

If you trust me... ( ... ) why not give me the chance?

( it's true, it's too late to be what he needed at the time, and while those are shoes he can't properly fill, because he can't go back that far in time to play caretaker. that doesn't mean today is any different, or can't be a start he believes... he should take it as a no, ignore it and carry on, but he closes his eyes as npckun hides their face away. as for his own eyes, he's too busy staring at the wall before him that has no script for him to read, leaving him to his own opinions, thoughts and actions. )

The past is the past, but that's why hope is so dear to me... moving forward opens endless possibilities, and paths for you to walk along.

( oh how the other's father failed on this one, but komaeda finds himself conflicted for a brief moment. for his own lack of childhood, he goes by giving what he thinks a child needs — avoid giving them what he was given which was nothing. a life of pain and suffering is what he knows, but if he can do the opposite of what he seen, despite his own troubles, then this could be fine? right. )

I'm not Aniki... ( aniki may kill him, actually. but that's a different playing field, ) But I can try to make you happy and hopeful, I'll give you... what I never had.

[ Because... they don't know what a father is supposed to be, once they've grown up. They can learn things on their own, figure things out by themselves, has many other people to look up to— like how they lift their head and look up at Komaeda, hesitant, unsure, but warm inside. ]

...Will you tell me you love me?

( confident, sure, and it comes to him easily... taking the position of watching children, oversee them and their happiness, and give them a life that was better than his own. )

...I won't just tell you, ( he hugs a little tighter, and he lays his cheek against the top of their head as he closes his eyes, falling into rhythm with their breathing. ) I'll show you, too...

( to the best of his ability, he's... a mess, there's probably others that are better suited, but he can try until the other wants him to stop trying. )

[ A small smile appears on their face, spreading wide, warm, happy. Even if it isn't exactly word for word what they asked for, words are just words in the end, but being shown it, them believing in it...

They really do love him. Want to be near him as much as they can, want to make him as happy as he makes them, would do anything he asks if it's in their power to do so. ]

Me too.

[ ... ]

Aniki.

[ Rokuro is dead, he doesn't need this title anymore ]

( he'd stay in place if it wasn't for what he feels to be... this aura of what? hopefulness, just a feeling that makes his own chest tight as he stands properly to look down at them, catch the warm smile on their face. does something like that make them happy?

he watches them for a moment, waiting, and the title that slips from their mouth makes him chuckle a bit. he's never been called it to his face, but he doesn't even know that monaca does it as well. he pauses.

thoughtful.

he can't be someone like that, and considering who that person is... who komaeda is aware is looking for their sibling every day. )

Call me otousan... ah, papa works too! Dad works too... Origin is also a proper synonym...

( he'll smile himself, not one he's capable of often, but a smile that'll stay here between them, and no one else. lost in time in the room that they reside in, and directed at npckun only. )

Because you're going to be with Aniki again one day... and I'll be there to see it.

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